As I sit in bed after a long weekend of evangelization training and diving deeper into my faith, I can’t help but think that there was no better way for me to begin 2016 and continue in the Year of Mercy. So much change has come with the beginning of college and I have often found myself angry at the Lord for my confusion as to what are His plans for my future. I used to think I had everything figured out but over the first semester of this year, all those plans seemed to come crashing down. “Lord what are you doing with me? What do you want to do with me?” has constantly been my prayer as I sit in adoration day in and day out but never hear an answer. This semester I have even doubted if I should be a youth minister or not; something I have desired for years.
LORD WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH ME
I decided to go to this leadership conference in Dallas simply because it sounded like something that might be helpful someday and quite honestly because two of my best friends were going. As I walked into the conference, my adrenaline started pumping and I realized that these conferences and the idea of 3,000 Catholic college students coming together get me excited. I remembered, THIS is what I am passionate about and THIS is what I need to do with my life…but how is still a huge question in my mind.
At one point in the weekend I was really angry at everything going on in my life and looking back it is beautiful to see how the Lord used that passion in me to get me excited for a new opportunity that came to me. I honestly think I found my place in life this weekend in a group that I met while I was there. I’m not going to tell much about it because I really need to take it to prayer, but let’s just say, tears were shed as truly feel I found where I belong.
Keeping all this in mind, I continue to hear in my head “Oh you of little faith.” Pondering this idea over the weekend I kept laughing at myself for doubting all semester. Of course I still don’t know where I’m going in life or if I’ll ever join that group I met this weekend, but what really stuck out to me, through the testimonies of others and the way my own heart moved, is GOD’S PLAN DOES NOT DISAPPOINT. I even laugh typing this because I know right now I am on a spiritual high and it is only a matter of time before I get angry, but this time and this year I am going to allow myself to be patient and allow Him to work.
When I was struggling at the beginning of the year, someone told me that everyone says the Lord has a plan for you and you just have to wait for Him to reveal it. But where we are right now, in our struggles and our doubts, THAT is even part of the plan. We don’t have to wait for the Lord to reveal His plan for us because we are LIVING his plan day in and day out. It might not be pretty or perfect but no matter where you are, you are experiencing His plan. The question I’m beginning to look at is What are you going to do with it?
In digesting all that happened this weekend, I hope to discover more of what I am going to do with where I am right now. No I don’t know what I am going to do after college, I don’t know who I am going to marry (if that is my vocation at all), I don’t even know what I’ll be doing in two weeks. But I do know that I am a freshman in college who has a love of Christ and a strong desire to spread that love to everyone I come in contact with, and for now, I need to be patient and allow myself to let the Lord work in the simple moments of freshman year and trust that He has the rest already figured out for me because guess what?! He does. <3
Title inspiration: Love is Moving by Audrey Assad